Tensions and Trials

This week we discussed stressors as a whole. This includes what a stressor is, how they affect early marriage life, and how they can be solved / dealt with in an acceptable manner.  The first question you may have is: what is a stressor? A stressor is an event that causes tension. When a couple first gets married we see a lot of stressors start to develop. Finances, kids, cars, house payments, etc. all may come into play. This can be a lot to deal with at times.

In our discussion we covered a very unique topic: how stressors, crisis, and mindset affect one another. When a trial arises, every person will differ on how they view it, deal with it, and use resources available to them. Something that I found unique is that these three things may rely on or cause one another. For example, how you think about the problem can cause you to determine what resources you have available to you. On the other hand, someone else may find what resources they have available to them and then determine how they view the problem. It's all an intertwined concept that differs for every person.

We also see another concept that is very common among young couples. We commonly see one stressor causing more stressors. An example of this is found in money. If a family comes across a problem with too little income, they may have to send the mother back to work to earn some extra cash. This then creates problems with schedules, house chores, etc.

Now that we have discussed some of the common themes we see coming into play with stressors, you're probably wondering how you can avoid or deal with them in an acceptable manner. While there is not an "outline" to follow, we do have some good suggestions. When you work together with your partner to tackle your stressors, you actually begin to strengthen your relationship with that other person. Rather than allowing yourself to "snap" you can improve upon your communication skills. It demonstrates perseverance and your ability to devote your time to helping solve your issues.

It's so easy to get set in our ways when emotions get involved during a crisis. However, we need to be resourceful and be prepared to attack and address the issues. Every relationship is going to have trials so figuring out how to address these trials is extremely important. Work through it together.

Someone named David Burns has addressed his patients in the past by having them fill out a daily mood log. This log consists of:

• Describing the upsetting event.
• Recording your negative feelings. 
• Rating your emotions on a scale of severity. 
• Recording your automatic thoughts about the situation. 
• Identifying distortions. 
• Recording rational responses. 

While we may not have the time within our regular days to write down our answers to all of these questions we can keep them in mind and do a cognitive assessment of ourselves when a stressor arrives. It allows us to make ourselves stop and think. This makes it so we look at the problems from many different viewpoints and allows us to come and understand some of the emotions we are having in response to the stressor. This is something that is extremely helpful when it comes to identifying and dealing with stressors. Through it all, just remember to support one another and love each other. You're in this together.