Divorce, Remarriage, and Aging
This week our class had the opportunity to discuss divorce, remarriage, and aging. These three topics are things we hear about constantly in our generation. We live in a culture now that doesn't prepare for marriage, but rather prepares for divorce. We tell our women to "prepare themselves for a career just in case." When we feel like a marriage, date, or relationship won't last then we don't give ourselves fully to the other person. Can you see the trend of problems that can arise from this?
In class, we discussed the different "stations" that come with divorce and they are listed below. These basically outline the problems that arise when a divorce comes into play.
Stations of divorce:
-Emotional
-Legal
-Economic
-Coparental (working out custody and visitation with the kids)
-Community
-Psychic
As you can see, divorce is not something that just affects you and the person splitting. It is something that affects your family, community, and legal system. A disruption in a marriage plays a part in multiple issues. Another issue we see coming in to play is that of blending families. When one parent splits and remarries, there may be other children involved. When you have a child with someone, you feel a special connection to them. When you "adopt" a child it becomes harder to see them as your own. This is demonstrated when families become blended. You may come across issues with discipline (the new child may tell you something like "you're not my real dad"), love, and showing affection. The blending of families can also work to divide you and your partner. You may not measure up to how their previous parent played a role in the child's life, etc. Often we see the children of blended families acting out. These are problems that need to be addressed to have a successful new marriage. It will take time and effort to become a member of a new family. That family that you are joining will have a new routine and life. Research has found that it often takes a minimum of two years for you to find a routine within a blended family. If you are going through this process, you need to stay dedicated and communicate your feelings. Your families will need to know that you love them unconditionally. You can not show preference to any individual. You need to be the best father / mother figure that you can be.
Since there are so many trials that come with divorce, it is best to just truly know a person before you marry them. You should not rush a marriage. You need to ensure you are compatible and are working towards the same things. Divorce is such a casual thing in the United States that we usually don't take time to reflect on all of these things I have discussed. Divorce is something that is not easy- for any family member involved. Before getting a divorce, you need to take into account the situation of everyone. Instead of preparing our future generations for divorce, we need to prepare them for marriage. We need to teach our young that when you love someone you communicate, are honest, and are dedicated to them only. If we can view marriage as something that is special and directed by God, then we can beat the odds and create marriages that will last. This is our ultimate goal.
In class, we discussed the different "stations" that come with divorce and they are listed below. These basically outline the problems that arise when a divorce comes into play.
Stations of divorce:
-Emotional
-Legal
-Economic
-Coparental (working out custody and visitation with the kids)
-Community
-Psychic
As you can see, divorce is not something that just affects you and the person splitting. It is something that affects your family, community, and legal system. A disruption in a marriage plays a part in multiple issues. Another issue we see coming in to play is that of blending families. When one parent splits and remarries, there may be other children involved. When you have a child with someone, you feel a special connection to them. When you "adopt" a child it becomes harder to see them as your own. This is demonstrated when families become blended. You may come across issues with discipline (the new child may tell you something like "you're not my real dad"), love, and showing affection. The blending of families can also work to divide you and your partner. You may not measure up to how their previous parent played a role in the child's life, etc. Often we see the children of blended families acting out. These are problems that need to be addressed to have a successful new marriage. It will take time and effort to become a member of a new family. That family that you are joining will have a new routine and life. Research has found that it often takes a minimum of two years for you to find a routine within a blended family. If you are going through this process, you need to stay dedicated and communicate your feelings. Your families will need to know that you love them unconditionally. You can not show preference to any individual. You need to be the best father / mother figure that you can be.
Since there are so many trials that come with divorce, it is best to just truly know a person before you marry them. You should not rush a marriage. You need to ensure you are compatible and are working towards the same things. Divorce is such a casual thing in the United States that we usually don't take time to reflect on all of these things I have discussed. Divorce is something that is not easy- for any family member involved. Before getting a divorce, you need to take into account the situation of everyone. Instead of preparing our future generations for divorce, we need to prepare them for marriage. We need to teach our young that when you love someone you communicate, are honest, and are dedicated to them only. If we can view marriage as something that is special and directed by God, then we can beat the odds and create marriages that will last. This is our ultimate goal.
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