Communication

This past week our class got the opportunity to discuss communication as a whole. We discussed some of the common communication errors, how communication plays a role in relationships, and how we can effectively communicate.

As a class we came together to create what we thought was a good definition of communication. We stated that communication is the, "conscious or unconscious body language that another person comprehends and takes in." It's the act of effectively expressing your inner thoughts in a manner that the other person can take in. After we discussed the definition of communication, we found many ways in which we can gain this "effective communication" in our relationships. Good communication can allow us to dodge some of the problems that are so commonly found within families. Researchers found that : approximately 14% of our communication comes from our actual words, 35% comes from our tone, and 51% comes from our nonverbal communication cues.This is why communication over the internet is so damaging. We are taking away 51% of the communication. We cannot see the “nonverbal” cues through a screen. Whereas if we were to talk and discuss in person this wouldn’t be the case. So you may be wondering how we actually can achieve effective communication. Below are some of the things our class looked at to improve this process.

The first step in effective communication is having the desire to actually communicate with the other person. Communication is not done in a way so that we could be understood but in a way that you cannot be misunderstood. Make it plain and simple. There is no need for the other person to “interpret” it. Effective communication hits the nail directly on the head. Instead of generalizing something like “you’re such a slob” you need to say, “could you please place your socks in the hamper once you take them off.” If you leave room for them to interpret what you are saying, then they may take it in a way that you were not intending for them to. You also need to adjust to your audience. For example, you’ll explain something differently to a child than you would to an adult. Found below are some of the skills and techniques you can use when thinking about what to say, how to interpret someone's message, or if you're wondering how to develop a strong standpoint.

Process: 

1. You need to encode the message. (In a way that the other person will understand.)
2. Media. (Words, tone, and nonverbal). 
3. Decode. (Other person needs to understand in a proficient manner- get the message the original person was intending to say.) 

Secrets of communication: You don’t need to use these in any order, but you need to use all 5. 

1. Disarming technique-find the kernel of truth in what the other person said, even if it seems unreasonable. 
2. Express empathy (thought, feeling)-willing to feel with someone. Feeling words. When you match what they are saying you are feeling with them. A lot of the feeling words come with an undermine of tone. 
3. Inquiry (invite more) Things like: Am I getting that right? 
4. “I feel” statements.
5. Respect- stroking (conveying warmth- sharing something we honestly respect about the other person) 

Active listening technique: 

     When__(specific event)_____ I felt that ____(emotions)____ because_____(thoughts)____ .   I     would like to __(convey hope or desires)_____.

In your life you are either going to be very close with, marry, or spend a lot of time with people who are flawed. The beauty of effective communication is that of putting our differences aside. We need to accept the fact that no one is perfect so when things do go wrong we need to forgive, work through them, and become better.