Every Family Is Unique
Hello everyone. This week I have been reflecting a lot upon the family system as a whole and how every family is unique. During class this week we had multiple discussions that were extremely eye opening for me. We discussed things such as family systems, typical family trends, and the needs of individual family members. Have you ever had the opportunity to talk with your friends and family members about how they were individually raised and the rules that their families established? This past week I got to do exactly this- and I was so surprised by what other people said. Growing up I had an "assumption" that every family was kind of like mine (because that's all I've ever known). However, while talking with my friends I realized that there is such a big difference in how they were each individually raised. Each family is unique and has a story to bring to the table. This is in fact why "solving family issues" is so difficult. You cannot have one answer to solve a family relationship issue- because every single scenario within a family is different. We all experience the world differently through our families. One thing that especially stuck out to me is the fact that your family and how you're raised can affect how you experience your surrounding world. Once you learn rules and morals taught within your family you get a certain "view" of life. You begin using these lessons taught within your family systems to determine how to act, what to do, and how to live. The good news about all of this is simply this: you can use this to determine how you want your future family to experience life. As you build a family of your own, you can create a setting in which you would want your family to feel comfortable, safe, and loved. There is so many ways in which you can accomplish exactly this, and it's yours to create and explore!
We can see many trends throughout history within a family line. If you explore the rules that your parents had growing up you may see some of these appearing in your family as well. This is due to the fact that your parents learned their "parenting techniques" from their parents and so forth. You may also notice that your parents may have changed the rules with each child that was born. An example of this is found within the age gap between the oldest child and the youngest child. With each child that is born and raised, parents have the opportunity to find what works and adjust their rules. When you're young these "switch of rules" may seem unfair, but parents are only human and are trying their best to figure out how to raise their kids in a way that will benefit them. Curfew hours may change, work expectancy may change, etc. You can learn from your parents as well. While growing up, you can use your observational skills to see which rules you want to have for your future family. A family setting is the best way to learn how you want to spend your time and energy raising your kids. Notice things such as what works best, what benefits the children the most, what lessons teach the children to develop and grow, and what techniques work in addressing issues. You can even look at other families to observe the "atmosphere" found within. What atmosphere do you want to have in your personal family?
Some observations that I have made while growing up have helped me to develop standards that I want to have for my family. I have learned from experience that communication is key when wanting to develop a good relationship with family members. Communication comes in handy when you want to work out a schedule, resolve an issue, and even build a relationship. The more you discuss important events and even hardships you have, the more you get the opportunity to have your family "connect" with you and understand you. Every child's physiological needs are different- so communication helps the people surrounding you to understand you on a personal level. It is not expected that you are going to turn out like your siblings- there is not a "perfect child" out there. I have also learned that having a clear boundary between your parents is important. While you may feel more connected with one parent, you need to have a relationship with both. When you have a connection with just one parent it may cause tensions. Seeing your parents close with one another creates a sense of peace and security in a child.
The most important lesson to take from all of the things I've discussed is this: your family atmosphere is yours to create. You are not going to be a perfect parent, but you can learn as you go. Use communication, determine how you want your children to be raised, and aim to achieve these goals every day. Do not compare your failures to those around you because your family is going to be different than that "perfect family that seems to have it all together." Listen to your children and have an open communication line. Develop an atmosphere where children feel as if they matter. Through it all listen to your heart and just try your best!!!!!
Thanks for tuning in to this weeks discussion. If you have observations that you have found to be helpful please post them below in the comment section. I would love to hear from you guys!
We can see many trends throughout history within a family line. If you explore the rules that your parents had growing up you may see some of these appearing in your family as well. This is due to the fact that your parents learned their "parenting techniques" from their parents and so forth. You may also notice that your parents may have changed the rules with each child that was born. An example of this is found within the age gap between the oldest child and the youngest child. With each child that is born and raised, parents have the opportunity to find what works and adjust their rules. When you're young these "switch of rules" may seem unfair, but parents are only human and are trying their best to figure out how to raise their kids in a way that will benefit them. Curfew hours may change, work expectancy may change, etc. You can learn from your parents as well. While growing up, you can use your observational skills to see which rules you want to have for your future family. A family setting is the best way to learn how you want to spend your time and energy raising your kids. Notice things such as what works best, what benefits the children the most, what lessons teach the children to develop and grow, and what techniques work in addressing issues. You can even look at other families to observe the "atmosphere" found within. What atmosphere do you want to have in your personal family?
Some observations that I have made while growing up have helped me to develop standards that I want to have for my family. I have learned from experience that communication is key when wanting to develop a good relationship with family members. Communication comes in handy when you want to work out a schedule, resolve an issue, and even build a relationship. The more you discuss important events and even hardships you have, the more you get the opportunity to have your family "connect" with you and understand you. Every child's physiological needs are different- so communication helps the people surrounding you to understand you on a personal level. It is not expected that you are going to turn out like your siblings- there is not a "perfect child" out there. I have also learned that having a clear boundary between your parents is important. While you may feel more connected with one parent, you need to have a relationship with both. When you have a connection with just one parent it may cause tensions. Seeing your parents close with one another creates a sense of peace and security in a child.
The most important lesson to take from all of the things I've discussed is this: your family atmosphere is yours to create. You are not going to be a perfect parent, but you can learn as you go. Use communication, determine how you want your children to be raised, and aim to achieve these goals every day. Do not compare your failures to those around you because your family is going to be different than that "perfect family that seems to have it all together." Listen to your children and have an open communication line. Develop an atmosphere where children feel as if they matter. Through it all listen to your heart and just try your best!!!!!
Thanks for tuning in to this weeks discussion. If you have observations that you have found to be helpful please post them below in the comment section. I would love to hear from you guys!
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